A lot of wedding traditions come from, well, a not so shiny history of marriage.  Bridesmaids were originally dressed in similar gowns as the bride (white wasn’t always worn) and placed at the alter so that any evil spirits could not fixate on the bride, and would take a bridesmaid instead.  Veils were originally used so that in an arranged marriage, the man did not see the woman until he was already wed to her, just in case she was not the beauty he was hoping for.  And the myth that it is bad luck for the groom to see the bride before she walks down the aisle comes from a similar rationale.

However, in today’s world, arranged marriages are far less common than they once were.  Most of us pick our spouses-to-be, or at least feel like we had a say in the matter.  So is it still bad luck for a groom to see his bride before she walks down the aisle?  Probably not.  So what now?

Some brides today opt to have a “first look”.  A first look is essentially a staged moment where the groom sees the bride for the first time.  Most brides choose to have it be a private moment, with the photographer there to capture his reaction when he sees the love of his life all dolled up.  Here are some big questions that I find myself answering about first looks:

What is the benefit?

There are definitely a few.  Firstly, if you see each other beforehand, then a lot of the photos can be taken care of before the ceremony even starts.  That way, you don’t have to worry about making guests wait to eat while you’re taking photos and you have more time to enjoy the party.

Secondly, it’s nice to see each other before the day gets going.  Think about it, it’s the most important day of your life and then you aren’t allowed to see or talk to the one person who will settle your nerves?  It seems kind of silly.  See each other, hold each other, take a few minutes to remind yourselves of why you’re doing this crazy thing in the first place.

After getting your hair and make-up done, sometimes you have to wait hours before you take photos.  Why not take care of the portraits first thing, and then you’re not stressing about it as much when Aunt Betty smudges your lip gloss in the receiving line.

Also, it creates a great photo op.  Getting amazing shots of the two of you the first time you see each other is much easier when it can be controlled.  Getting that great shot while you walk down the aisle is much more difficult to accomplish.

Is it weird to do a first look?

No, it’s actually becoming more and more normal to do a first look.  Right now, I’d say I have about half of my brides doing first looks, while half choose not to.  If you see the benefit in doing a first look, then I’d say go for it!

Ok, that sounds great, but I still don’t want to…

That is absolutely fine too!  All this being said, my husband and I chose not to have a first look.  It was important to me for him to see me for the first time walking down the aisle, and I know that this was the right choice for us.

What that does mean, is that you have to be willing to be flexible with your timeline.  Your photographer can grab shots of you and your ladies before hand, just none of the images that would include you and your soon-to-be hubby.  For me, I knew I wanted lots of photo time, so we did two things to accommodate.  One, we got married earlier, so the break between the ceremony and reception was longer.  Two, we ended up taking some portraits during the reception.  After we’d arrived and started everyone on food, we quickly ate and then left with our photographer to capture some wonderful images while the sun set and everyone else was still eating.  When we came back, we went straight into the first dance and it worked beautifully.  

Overall, deciding whether or not to have a first look is totally up to you.  Your photographer and planner will work with you either way, but the decision should be made early so that your timeline can accommodate for it.  There is no need to listen to the old myth; what is most important, is you deciding what is right for you and knowing what that means for your wedding day.

-Meghan